


Swear

by Issa_Saiko



Category: The Walking Dead & Related Fandoms, The Walking Dead (Comics), The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-10
Updated: 2019-10-10
Packaged: 2020-12-07 20:27:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,728
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20981876
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Issa_Saiko/pseuds/Issa_Saiko
Summary: For the last couple months Carl had denied it, and denied it.He was in love with Negan.Negan, the piece of shit who killed his friends and family, the guy who took from them, humiliated his father, and ruined their life. How was he was in love with stupid, crazy, immature, fucking Negan. How did it get like this?!





	Swear

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Fritillaria_Vajra](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fritillaria_Vajra/gifts).

> Hi! This is my second work on here... oof I hope it’s decent! Btw it can be read as a stand alone or as a prequel to my other work, “Look at me.”
> 
> Oh, and this is gifted to a new friend of mine. She’s going through a lot right now, but she loves Cegan. Hopefully this makes her smile. Stay positive Mika!

For the last couple months Carl had denied it, and denied it.

He was in love with Negan.

Negan, the piece of shit who killed his friends and family, the guy who took from them, humiliated his father, and ruined their life. How was he was in love with stupid, crazy, immature, fucking _Negan_. How did it get like this?!

It all started on that fucking night, the night he had all of them kneel in front of him while he killed two of their family, and they could do nothing but watch. Carl swore he hated him, that he would kill him. So why…

Negan made regular stops to Alexandria after that night. Carl was so unbelievably frustrated. He wanted to kill Negan every time he saw him, but his dad was always holding him and everyone else back. Rick didn’t want anyone else to get hurt, but Carl couldn’t help himself.

_He wanted to kill this man._

If his dad couldn’t do it then he had to. At least that’s what he told himself when he snuck into the back of their truck with a machine gun, and a machete, but to his surprise Negan wasn’t scared of him, he was almost… impressed. Even when he had just witnessed Carl kill about 3 guys, all he did was praise him. Carl was almost never praised by his father, at least not for killing people! This man is so obnoxious and infuriating!

_Carl swears he hates him._

After talking—and even more compliments from Negan—he shows him around the sanctuary. Carl thinks it’s a test; Negan wants to show him the power he has over his people, but what’s strange is that he also shows Carl his wives, not wife, _wives_. He does this all while gauging Carl for a reaction. Carl has no idea what Negan’s trying to accomplish by showing him this. Is he simply just trying to brag?

“So kid, what do you think, hm?” Negan leans over and whispers in Carl’s ear.

“Think? About what?”

“What do you mean ‘about what’ you're surrounded by hot women, and you don’t even flinch! Could it be you swing for the other team?~”

Carl is beyond confused and it must show. Negan sighs, “Say Carl, do you know what fucking is?”

Carl goes beat red. What makes matters worse is the women in the room seem to have caught on to the conversation, various expressions crossing their features. Some looked confused, but most of them wore amused expressions. This was probably the extent of the entertainment they got in this boring factory.

“O-of course! I may have been born at night, but I wasn’t born last night! I know what fucking is.” Carl absolutely refuses for anyone to treat him like a child, especially Negan! Last time he checked he was 18 years old, but Negan’s amused laugh makes him feel like a child again.

“Good, so your not completely dense, but your still a virgin.” It’s not even a question, Negan states it like a fact with a fucking smirk.

“That’s none of your business!” Carl is losing his composure, what the hell does this man want from him! He must be trying to humiliate him. Carl is so sick of all these fucking mind games.

“Hey, it’s ok if you are, you see, I’m gonna offer you a deal,” Carl’s immediately worried, “You can fuck any of my wives here.”

“No fucking way in hell.” Carl doesn’t even think before saying it, because it’s the truth.

Negan laughs, “Why not? You’re a teenage virgin, you must be dying to fuck, right? I’m offering something special here. I never let any of my men fuck my wives.”

“Then why are you offering me? What’s the catch?”

“No catch. Let's just say it’s the kindness of my heart.” Carl doesn’t believe that for a second, but he plays along. Negan’s not the only one who can play games.

“Still, the answer is no.”

“Oh? So you’re not interested in women?” So now he’s going to manipulate him with his sexuality, nope, Carl’s not falling for it. He doesn’t need to prove anything to Negan.

“Again, none of your fucking business, and this isn’t sex, it’s rape.” There let’s see how he likes that. Negan wants to swing low, well he can too.

As is seems, Negan, indeed, did not like that, a scowl immediately presenting itself on his face. Carl still thinks it was worth it.

“Rape?” Negan pulls Carl up by the collar of his flannel and leans down at him and whispers, “This isn’t rape, now if I really wanted to I could show you rape.”

Everyone in the room goes quiet, and Carl gulps. He’s not scared of this man… just a little concerned is all. Negan's chaotically changing emotions make it hard to keep up, and the mystery of what he’s gonna do next makes everyone around him walk on eggshells, but again, Carl’s not scared, and that’s what he tells himself as a shiver courses through him.

The silence dragged on for a few more seconds, the threat still in the air. “But I’m not gonna do that,” Negan declares, stepping away from Carl with that damned smirk on his face again, “I’m not that kind of a man, but you know I just hate when someone isn’t grateful when I offer something for them, and free of charge, no less, but it’s fine, I’m just gonna assume you’re either stupid or you like men instead. I wasn’t expecting it, but hey! I don’t judge.”

‘Fuck you,’ Carl thinks. He’s glaring now, but he doesn’t say anything else.

_He swears he wants to kill him._

Soon Carl’s taken into Negan’s bedroom. After the events in Negan’s wives room, Negan suggests chatting with Carl somewhere alone. Of course Carl’s worried about some type of punishment, but it’s not like he has a say, so he just follows Negan to his chambers. Carl’s a little in awe at how nice his room is; there’s even fucking carpet on this mans floor. How Negan managed to get carpet on a factory floor in the middle of the apocalypse, Carl has no fucking idea, but he doesn’t comment on it. Negan instructs him to sit on the couch adjacent to him then out of nowhere he’s asking him personal questions.

“So you like cock, boy?”

Carl swears he might die. “Where the fuck did you get that from?!”

“Earlier, you didn’t deny it,” Negan says with a smirk, “So, do you?”

“I’m not interested in women or men, contrary to what you think, I’m not just some horny teen. I don’t care about sex, and I don’t even have time to think about stuff like that, we could die at any second!”

“Come on don’t lie to me, and I know you’ve thought about it, doesn’t matter if the world is ending; doesn’t stop people from fucking. I don’t judge Carl, so tell me everything. I promise what happens in this room stays in this room,” he winks then, but his tone isn’t teasing. He’s being serious for once.

_He swears he hates this man, so why does he want to trust him?_

“...I-I’ve thought about it, but that’s the extent of it…” Carl confesses in a small voice.

Negan seems pleasantly surprised; as though he wasn’t expecting Carl to answer honestly, “Yeah? Now we’re getting somewhere. Do you masturbate thinking of guys, girls, or both?” He adds all too quickly, “if that’s not too personal—“

“Always men.”

An expression Carl can’t quite read crosses Negan’s face then. For some odd reason Carl feels the need to explain himself. Before Carl can elaborate though, Negan’s standing up and stalking over the boy.

“Your right that we could die at any moment,” Negan whispers, leaning over while placing a hand on his shoulder, ”but we all gotta live a little before then.” Carl shivers.

At this point Carl’s heart is pounding against his ribs, and he swears his face must be crimson, but before he thinks Negan’s going to do something to him, the man is pulling away. Carl hates himself for being disappointed.

_He hates him. He’s gotta hate him. Right?_

* * *

  
The next time Carl sees Negan is when he comes back to Alexandria for a pick up. Carl stands on their porch cradling Judith to his chest protectively, a glare on his face as he watches the trucks pull in. There’s no use hiding her anymore. Negan already found out about Judith, and as weird as it may seem, Carl doesn’t believe Negan would ever intentionally hurt her… He hopes anyway, Negan is so unpredictable. He has to keep reminding himself that.

It’s only been a week since the events at the sanctuary. Carl questions why he came back so soon, maybe he’s trying to make sure everyone in Alexandria stays in line? As soon as Negan gets out of his truck he’s zeroing In on Carl, spotting him instantly.

“How’s my beautiful, badass boy?” Carl doesn’t even need to try with his glare, it’s second nature at this point, “Oh! But how could I forget about this lovely, young lady!”

Before Carl can reply Negan grabs for the little girl, and Carl lets him take her without much fight. She was already grabbing for Negan anyway, so Negan took her into his arms easily. Carl will admit he’s a little jealous… of who, he’s not really sure yet.

“Oh, just how precious are you~” Carl assumes Negan’s referring to Judith, but the way he eyes him up and down tells him otherwise. Carl’s kinda glad now that his dad isn’t here, but out on a run. He won’t be able to see Carl’s blushing face, or shy smirk.

_Don’t look at me like that. It makes it harder to hate you!_

The next thing Carl knows his back is pressed against his bedroom door. Negan kisses and bites along his neck, one hand in his hair, and the other gripping his thigh. Carl has no idea where to cling, but settles with gripping Negan’s leather clad shoulders. This is all so overwhelming and new. One minute Carl’s arguing with Negan and the next he’s being pushed up against a wall, and grinded against… not that he minds. He did kind of ask for it.

This is just a game.

“Not that I don’t like what we’re doing Carl, but tell me again, what are we doing?”

“We’re gonna fuck right?”

Negan chuckles, “Just wanted to hear you say it. My boy is so eager, but we’re gonna take it slow.”

“I don’t want to take it slow.”

I don’t want time to think about what I’m doing.

“I just want you to fuck me.”

Carl likes games... especially the fun, regretful ones.

* * *

  
Today they were in one of the vacant Alexandria houses. It’s risky, but the risk makes it all the more fun. They just got through another round of fucking. Both of them are spent; basking in the afterglow that comes with finishing two times in a row. Carl’s content with how things are right now. Negan is by his side, their shoulders are almost touching, but not quite. Just how Carl likes it. Carl hates the concept of cuddling after sex. It feels weird, awkward, and way too intimate, and Carl cannot be intimate with Negan like that.

Fucking is one thing; a reliever, something strictly physical, but when you bring cuddling, hugging, and all that other sappy shit, Carl won’t do it. He can’t. What he and Negan has—whatever the fuck it is—is most definitely not a relationship. He and Negan, at most, are just friends with benefits, but Carl wouldn’t even say they’re friends. It’s complicated and wrong, but Carl can’t stop what they’re doing. He thinks Negan feels the same, but he’s not sure why. Negan’s got plenty of pretty wives at home to fuck, and yet he keeps coming back to Carl, and Carl keeps letting him.

It’s gotten to the point where lately, he finds himself anticipating Negan's next arrival. Imagining what Negan would do to him when they were alone. As soon as thoughts like those pop up, he feels immense shame. He feels dirty, and he hates it… but he can’t help it.

Carl’s snapped out of his thoughts by the sound of a breathy chuckle coming from the man next to him,

“Fuck… I think I love you.” Carl’s shocked, he thinks he may even be mistaken in what he heard. Negan seems equally shocked himself, like he slipped up, and said something he knew he shouldn’t have. Something that he didn’t mean to say aloud, but couldn’t help. He back tracks,

“I-i mean, that was some fine ass, probably the best I’ve ever— …Ha… who am I fooling? Well it’s out in the open now I guess. Shit.” Carl’s eyes widen. He feels this sinking feeling in his heart. Is it dread? He needs to get out of here, and quickly. Carl jumps out of bed and finds his clothes. He pulls on his jeans, and buttons up his flannel in record time, all while Negan tries to talk to him, “Hey—wait I didn’t mean to scare you, kid! I was just—” Carl ignores him, picks up his boots and slams the door shut behind him.

Carl doesn’t know why he’s reacting this way. He doesn’t even know why he’s running. It’s not like he can go outside the house like this, people would get suspicious, ‘not like they aren’t already,’ his mind graciously supplies him. It’s just that he’s breathing heavily and he needs air.

As soon as he’s in the kitchen, he calms down, and tries to focus on his breathing. He hears footsteps clatter, and sees a man clumsily buttoning his pants up while gliding down the steps. It’s Negan. Stupid, crazy, immature, fucking Negan. Carl gets ready to run again. He just...can’t. He can’t look him in the eye. Things are becoming too real.

Negan must see this because he quickly says, “Hey kid! Fuck, would you look at me! Listen, I didn’t mean to scare you.”

“I’m not scared, not of you.” Carl says almost out of spite.

The truth is… I’m scared of these strange feelings.

“Carl—“

“Just shut up! God, I can’t even look at you.” Negan seems upset over this. Carl almost wants to make him feel better. Wait, no. He can’t think like that! He has to do what’s right.

“Dammit Carl, you know I… fuck. It’s all my fault, I’m sorry for putting you in this situation, it’s just that....” Negan trails off, it seems like he desperately wants to say something, but he can’t.

_It’s not your fault. It’s my fault. All of it..._

“No, I—it’s not your fault. I’m sorry, but we… we can't do this anymore Negan.”

“I love you.”

Carl was taken aback… for a second time that day. There were tears forming in his eyes. Fuck.

“You gotta be fucking kidding—you-you’re just saying that—“

Negan tugs Carl by the arm, and pulls him to his chest.

Carl sobbed into Negan’s chest that day. He can’t even remember the last time he cried. Ever since his mother’s death, he’s learnt to cope with loss differently, to bottle it up, and just focus on surviving, focus on protecting his baby sister. He always needs to be distracted, or else he’ll dwell on the past. On every person whose died. On every mistake he’s made. Mistakes he continues to make.

_Is Negan one of them?_

If he is… then that’s ok, he’s the best mistake Carl’s ever made.

Carl wipes his eyes, he looks up at Negan, and kisses him for the first time. He looks away shyly. He hopes Negan understands what his mouth is too cowardly to say, which is, of course, ‘I love you too.’ He thinks Negan does, he gives him the biggest grin ever, and scopes him up into his arms again.

Maybe someday Carl will have the courage to say it out loud; to say ‘I love you' to the enemy, but it may take some time, and that’s ok. For now, he’s content with just this.

_Carl swears he hates him…_

_but he also loves him._

**Author's Note:**

> Please comment what you think, and if you have any ideas please share! Also if you want to talk about cegan or writing you can dm me on Instagram, I’m always looking for a friend! My username is the same as on here.
> 
> —Saiko


End file.
